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Windows 98

Congratulations on your purchase of Windows 98 ©, the latest version of the world's #1 computer operating system from Microsoft. Before using your new software, please take the time to read these instructions carefully. Failure to do so may further limit the terms of the limited warranty.

Windows 98 © represents a significant technological improvement over Microsoft's previous operating system, Windows 95 © .You'll notice immediately that "98" is a larger number than "95," a better than 3 percent increase. But that's not all. Windows 98 © contains many features not found in Windows 95 ©, or in any competing computer operating system, if there were any. Among the improvements: faster storing and retrieving of files (not in all models), enhanced "Caps Lock" and backspace functionality, smoother handling, less knocking and pinging, an easy-to-follow 720-page User's Guide, and rugged weather-resistant shrink wrap around the box. Most important, Windows 98 © offers superior compatibility with all existing Microsoft software, as part of our ongoing effort to make our customers proud to own Microsoft © products. We're betting that you'll never use another company's software again.

Windows 98 © comes factory-loaded with the latest version of Microsoft Explorer, the world's most popular Internet browser. And despite what you may have heard from the US Department of Justice, Windows 98 © offers you the freedom to select the Internet browser of your choice, whether it's the one produced by the world's largest and most trusted software producer, or by a smaller company that will either go out of business or become part of the Microsoft family.

Configuring Windows 98 © to use a browser other than Microsoft Internet Explorer is easy. Simply open the "Options" folder, click on the "time bomb" icon, and select "Load Inferior Browser." A dialog box will ask "Are you sure?" Click "Yes." This question may be asked several more times in different ways; just keep clicking "Yes." During installation, Windows 98 © will need perform a compatibility test on the browser to ensure that the "Cut", "Copy", and "Paste" commands will work with the new Windows 98 © clipboard. This process may take up to 7 hours to complete due to the innovative way that Windows 98 © manages your processor. If your computer still hasn't completed installation after this time, the browser has probably locked up your computer, and the process will need to be started over again after re-booting 3 times. If at any time after installation you become disappointed with the slow speed and frequent data loss associated with other browsers, simply tap the space bar on your keyboard. Microsoft Explorer will be conveniently and automatically reinstalled. This service is offered free of charge, except in New York, Texas, and California, where a $15 service fee applies.

Windows 98 © also corrects the "Year 2000" computer problem. As you may know, most computers store the current year as a two-digit number and, as a result, many will mistake the year 2000 for 1900. Windows 98 © solves the problem by storing the year as a four-digit number and, in theory, you won't have to upgrade this part of the operating system until the year 10000. However, the extra memory required to record the year in four digits has prompted a few minor changes in the software's internal calendar. Henceforth, Saturday and Sunday will be stored as single day, known as "Satsun," and the month of June will be replaced by two 15-day months called "Bill" and "Melissa." Take careful note of the capitalized letters in the dates; entering these as lowercase in any program will cause the computer to crash. This is not a glitch; it is a security precaution provided for your safety.

Please also take the time to complete the online registration form. It only takes a few minutes and will help us identify the key software pr problems our customers want addressed. Be assured that none of the information you provide, whether it's your Social Security number, bank records, fingerprints, retina scan or sexual history, will be shared with any outside company not already designated as a Microsoft DataShare partner.

We've done our best to make using Windows 98 © as trouble-free as possible. We want to hear from you if you're saving any problems at all with your software. Simply call our toll-free help line and follow the recorded instructions carefully. (The Help line is open every day but Satsun, and is closed for the entire month of Bill.)

If we don't hear from you, we'll assume your software is working perfectly, and an electronic message to that effect will be forwarded to the Justice Department. We'll also send, in your name, a letter to the editor of your hometown newspaper, reminding him or her that American consumers want software designed by companies that are free to innovate, not by government bureaucrats.